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Fat people do not need you to tell us we are fat. I believe he comes from a genuinely good place, as most people do when they say things like, “You’ve got a pretty face, though” or, “I know you can lose those pesky pounds!” But I wish people wouldn’t say anything at all. My grandfather means well when he nags me about food. “That’s not me, that’s Jabba the Hutt,” I found myself thinking yesterday as I glimpsed myself in a full-length mirror. I avoid mirrors at all costs, horrified by what I see. But I couldn’t stand the sight of myself. I made a couple of YouTube videos, and I enjoyed that. I have turned down media appearances that might have boosted my career as writer because I do not want to be videoed. I am only now beginning to reckon with what being fat - or more accurately, what being treated badly for being fat - has cost me. It’s cliché to say it, but only because it is true: the pressure to be thin or to be fit is literally killing gay men like me. Another survey found that one in three LGBTQ people have suffered suicidal ideation because of their negative body image. Yet according to one survey, 77 percent of gay men have felt judged or objectified because of their body, with 58 percent reporting pressure to look attractive. Eating disorders and negative body image are often thought of as issues affecting only women. I am terrified I will never be thin again.Īccording to the National Eating Disorders Association, more than 10 million American men will develop an eating disorder in their lifetimes. I am furious that I haven’t been more disciplined. I’m frustrated I haven’t lost more weight. My doctor says that’s par for the course and not to beat myself up for it. I’ve gained about 15 back since I quit smoking. Unlike most of the people I see on social media who lament gaining weight in lockdown, I lost 50 pounds in 2020. Again, it’s cliché, but only because it is true. Mostly, though, this was weight gained from eating and drinking to treat depression. Some of this was from a sedentary lifestyle I worked in an office until 2019, and now I work from home. In my 30s I’ve gained a considerable amount of weight.